Everyone knows and loves the famous line from the cinematic masterpiece where the IT-Security specialist asks the CPU architect: "Warum leaked hier Strom?" (Why is power leaking here?).
In this talk, we want to answer that question. We demonstrate how we can attack modern processors purely in software, relying on techniques from classical power side-channel attacks. We explain how we abuse the unprivileged access to energy-monitoring features of modern Intel and AMD CPUs. With PLATYPUS, we show how to steal cryptographic keys from the operating system or trusted-execution environments, and how to break kernel address-space layout randomization within seconds. Finally, we discuss the mitigations that prevent our attacks.