How did we get from a revolutionary WWII code-breaking machine to British-designed chips in nearly every smartphone? How did an argument in a Cambridge pub start a chain of events that led to the current dominance of British video game studios? It all started, in typically British style, with a problem involving tea and cakes. This light-hearted talk takes a look at the British family tree of computers from 1943 to 2016 including a few old favourites, a couple of technological dead-ends and some truly terrible logos.